(no subject)

[blue_ajah]

She wakes early enough that it is still full dark outside, although the first stirrings of birds hint at the dawn to come.

Some few minutes later, Moiraine is seated at the small table in her kitchen, a cup of tea steaming untouched near to hand as she looks out the window, watching the trees and waiting for enough time to pass that she can make a phone call without waking the person she wishes to reach... and without disturbing his morning meditation session.

Comments

[blue_ajah]

"Nothing that you do not wish to."

She lowers her hands to her sides again.

"I do not want to impose. Or to presume. But I thought that, that perhaps you might..."

She breaks off there, her color heightened once more.

[tibetanmethod]

Cooper's mouth flattens.

"Moiraine, I can't read your mind. You asked me to come and I came. What do you want me to say? Or what are you trying to say?"

So much for avoiding heightened anxiety.

[blue_ajah]

Softly, very softly,

"I asked you to come, and you came. Yes. You always have, Dale; do not think I have not noticed. Whenever I have needed you, you have been there. And so this morning, I called, because I could trust that you would come. And I was ... shaken, which is part of it, but it is more than that."

Slowly, all unaware, her hands have begun to smooth down the creases of her dress, as though in some nervous habit rarely seen.

"I do not want to lose you, Dale. I am afraid that with this news, I might. That you might... might turn away from me, because -- "

A single breath. Her flush is brighter now, but she continues all the same.

"And I care for you. Surely you must have suspected that? At least a little?"

[tibetanmethod]

Cooper is frozen, for a moment.

Then, very slowly, he puts down his coffee mug on the counter.

And says, quietly, "At least a little. Yes."

This conversation is not happening.

"What did he tell you, Moiraine, that we're having this conversation right now?"

[blue_ajah]

She shakes her head, very slightly.

"Your life here... it is satisfactory?"

"He was not aware of Tarmon Gai'don, for one. That it had come to pass."

[tibetanmethod]

"What does that have to do with what you just asked me?"

[blue_ajah]

"More than you may think. Almost no one expected me to survive it."

Her words are soft as falling snow.

"I set aside thoughts of the future, of chances that might be or could have been, and devoted my self and my life to the Dragon Reborn. I never allowed myself to look toward what might lie beyond that. In a sense, I have still refrained from doing so, even after, in ways that matter very much. When Morpheus asked... I realized the pattern I had fallen into. The Wheel weaves."

Moiraine straightens her shoulders; her chin lifts just a bit, and dark eyes meet his.

"Perhaps I should not have called, or at least waited until later, but..." She shrugs, very slightly. "Or spoken sooner. Nevertheless. If you do not -- I will understand, Dale, I promise. Nothing need change."

[tibetanmethod]

There's a part of Dale Cooper that absolutely cannot process what just happened, and that's the part that wants to ask, How could you feel that way, knowing what happens to the women I love?

Fortunately, the logical part is still in operation. "You told him," he says slowly, "that he was welcome to return to Milliways. Where you still go. Where presumably you'll see him. Why would you say this to me now -- what are you planning to do?"

[blue_ajah]

"Presumably I will, in time. I expect that I shall. As I do others of my friends and acquaintances. Nothing more."

Her tone is composed, but someone who knows the Aes Sedai well enough to see the subtle signs might well realize that inwardly she is anything but.

"I told you because I wanted you to know. I am not planning to do anything other than what I have just done."

[tibetanmethod]

Silence.






"So you don't think," Cooper says, "that he's going to... remain possessive. Do you?"

[blue_ajah]

"No," she says, quietly -- but without hesitation. "I do not."

[tibetanmethod]

"Even if someone -- if the other party has his own bad history with the entity called Dream of the Endless."

Cooper's voice is not entirely even on the last few words.

[blue_ajah]

She closes her eyes briefly, remembering, and then meets his gaze once more.

"Even then."

[tibetanmethod]

"What makes you so sure?"

[blue_ajah]

"I believe," she says, with careful deliberation, "if he intended to be ... possessive, he would not have offered to depart if I did not wish to speak."

"He would not have offered to leave Milliways as it currently is, if I were to be... troubled... by his renewed presence there."

Her fingers are trembling. She flattens them against the fabric of her dress.

"He would not have asked if I was satisfied with my life here, and accepted my answer."

[tibetanmethod]

Cooper doesn't reply immediately.

Then: "If he knew how you felt -- couldn't that just be part of some premeditated plot?"

[blue_ajah]

A faint smile curves her lips.

"If he did not know of Tarmon Gai'don, I doubt very much that he knew how I felt in this."

[tibetanmethod]

Cooper blinks.




"That," he says, faintly, "is a valid point, Moiraine."

[blue_ajah]

She spreads both hands very slightly, palms upward.

[tibetanmethod]

He wants a cup of coffee. He wants to finish that coffee that is cooling down in the mug on the counter.

And he doesn't trust himself to be able to pick up the mug without spilling the contents.





Cooper doesn't quite meet her eyes when he says, "I've made progress, Moiraine, but I'm still very afraid of him. He killed my mother. He nearly killed me. I -- can't just dismiss that."

Pause.

"As much as I might want to."

[blue_ajah]

As much as I might want to.

She thinks of Lan, and cracks in a wall. She thinks of Nynaeve.

She thinks of the scent of napthalot, and of the red rage of Nyarlathotep.

"I understand," she murmurs. "Please believe that, Dale. I do understand."

A beat.

"It was not kind of me to bring this to you before dawn, it occurs to me. I am sorry, for that."

[tibetanmethod]

A small, rueful, near-absent smile, and he doesn't look at her as he picks up the cup of coffee anyway.

(His hand doesn't shake.)

"I'm sorry I'm not a braver man, Moiraine."

[blue_ajah]

She shakes her head.

"You are one of the bravest men I have ever known. You have nothing for which you need apologize to me."

Moiraine glances at the cup in his hand.

"Would you prefer fresh?"

[tibetanmethod]

"No. Thank you. This works well."

It's cool enough that he can drink it faster, anyway -- and this isn't a moment during which he can sit and savor his beverage.

He drinks.




Without looking at her: "Moiraine, your feelings are reciprocated. They've been reciprocated for quite some time now. So I think I owe you an apology after all. And I am sorry. Very sorry."

[blue_ajah]

Would it have made a difference if one of them had spoken sooner? She has no way of knowing.

All things are --

"All things are part of the Pattern," she murmurs, very softly. "Thank you. For telling me."