(no subject)

[blue_ajah]

*Moiraine is sitting at a small table in her study upstairs at Milliways. A small, leather-bound journal lies on the table in front of her, but instead of writing in it, the Aes Sedai is carefully composing a draft entry on scrap paper, first, for some reason.

The door to the room is open.*

Comments

[lastgunslinger]

Footsteps echo down the corridor.

Soon enough, the source is visible.

A gunslinger who looks like he hasn't slept much, going down to eat something, because he hasn't in a while.

[blue_ajah]

*She had left the door open deliberately, in order to watch the hallway. She glances up at the sound of footsteps, and dark eyes flash with concern as she assesses his appearance.*

Roland.

*Calm, and yet loud enough to carry.*

[lastgunslinger]

Roland pauses -- open doors here are a rare enough thing,

(not for Jake)

especially for him.

"Lady-sai."

[blue_ajah]

*She gestures an invitation for him to enter the room.*

Good evening. Will you join me?

*Moiraine turns the paper in front of her over, studying him.*

[lastgunslinger]

Roland...doesn't particularly feel like speaking to anyone.

But he enters.

"I'd not known you kept a study here."

Because idle pleasantries forestall questions.

[blue_ajah]

It is the room in which I used to dwell, as it happens. I find it useful to maintain a space here, still, for certain purposes.

*Dark eyes are weighing him carefully as she speaks, although her tone remains serene.*

[lastgunslinger]

Roland inclines his head. "Undoubtedly."

...and he's never been much good at idle pleasantries.
Fucking Milliways.

[blue_ajah]

*She indicates a seat nearby, politely, and smiles serenely at him.*

How are matters with you, of late?

[lastgunslinger]

He's not in the mood for bullshit. "Jake must die again if he is to continue pursuing the man in black."

[blue_ajah]

I see. *A pause, as she continues to study him.*

Not at all well, then, one might say.

[lastgunslinger]

"One might," he agrees, standing with folded arms, looking nowhere in particular.

[blue_ajah]

He intends to pursue him, I gather? Even at such cost?

[lastgunslinger]

"He is," says Roland, looking at her with no trace of lightness or humor, but a strange kind of grief, "a gunslinger."

[blue_ajah]

*Her gaze is direct as it meets his, and she does not look away.*

He is. In every sense of the word, perhaps.

*A pause, and her next words are carefully calculated, although there is no obvious stress given to them.*

Jake would not be the same person, were he not.

[lastgunslinger]

"No."

And Roland looks away.

"This will be the fourth time."

The Dream-lord's voice, now, in his head: If there was one happy ending, who would you give it to?

[blue_ajah]

*Silence, for a long moment. When next the Aes Sedai speaks, her words are both calm and very quiet.*

I am sorry, Roland, for your sake. It is not easy to lose someone you are close to, I know.

[lastgunslinger]

"I told Susan that they made this place hell." Roland's voice is unnaturally calm. "Perhaps that was not strictly true. Jake did not. And now..."

A slight, jerky half-shrug.

[blue_ajah]

And with him gone, it will be worse than before, is that it?

*Still calm, and in fact the Aes Sedai does not sound surprised, although there is a hint of regret in her tone.*

[lastgunslinger]

"How could it not be?"

Still unnaturally calm.

[blue_ajah]

*She tilts her head, considering him.*

Perhaps so. It is a loss, after all, and as such to be mourned.

But there are reasons for all things, Roland.

[lastgunslinger]

"Undoubtedly."

Punishment.

[blue_ajah]

*Her glance is thoughtful.*

The others remain, of course.

[lastgunslinger]

"You say true."

And with the exception of Susannah and Ted, all the remaining members of his tet are dead, and there is none he knows how to tread around now.

[blue_ajah]

Is it always hell here, Roland?

*Calmly asked, and even curiosity in her tone.*

[lastgunslinger]

Roland considers this.

"Not always." Pause. "But you understand -- every time I see my friends from my youth, I am reminded that I have moved on; and every time I see Eddie and Susannah and Ted, I am reminded of what I cannot ask, and what they know and cannot tell me, and what I should not know."

And then there is the great guilt, but he will not speak of that.

[blue_ajah]

*Coda. Found. Not by a flicker does she betray her own knowledge of that which Roland cannot know; instead, Moiraine inclines her head in acknowledgement.*

I understand. *A pause.* This place has often been thought of as a refuge and a blessing. Perhaps it is that; but perhaps it is ... other, as well.

[lastgunslinger]

"Depends on who you ask, I wot," says the gunslinger, blank.

[blue_ajah]

Many things do.

*Utterly serene.*

[lastgunslinger]

A quiet sigh, and he looks toward the door without any real desire to leave -- to go downstairs and have to see people. "I ought to go -- leave you to your work." He inclines his head. "Long days and pleasant nights."

[blue_ajah]

Only if you wish. *A pause.*

You do not appear to have had restful or pleasant nights of late, Roland.

*It is a calm observation.*

[lastgunslinger]

"Hearing your son tell you that he must die for the fourth time does that." Toneless.

Especially when you were responsible for death number two, but.

[blue_ajah]

*A long pause, before she says,*

All things are part of the Pattern.

*I am as hard as I have to be, she thinks. I must be. Silence again, for a moment.*

[lastgunslinger]

"And ka is cruel." A half-shrug. "There is nothing to be done."

[blue_ajah]

More than you might think.

*Her tone is very, very even.*

[lastgunslinger]

Roland looks at her.

[blue_ajah]

There is more that can be done than you might think, Roland.

*A beat.*

I do not like hearing you speak so, weary and defeated.

[lastgunslinger]

"And I have already been told by many that I do not speak enough. It is a difficult problem."

Because if he can't speak that way, then he has little to say.

[blue_ajah]

But perhaps not one that is unsolvable.

*She appears to be looking inward, considering something, and a thoughtful expression is on her face.*

[lastgunslinger]

If she has a solution, Roland would love to hear it.

He waits.

[blue_ajah]

*The Aes Sedai studies him, levelly.*

When did you last find true rest, Roland?

[lastgunslinger]

Some inscrutable emotion crosses his face.

"Mejis."

With Susan.

[blue_ajah]

*A pause.*

I see. *The Aes Sedai is no fool, and she remembers the name.*

*There is another brief silence, and when she speaks again, one who knows her very well might notice a strange weight to her words.*

I am not the one who can give you that peace, Roland. All the peace I can offer as aid unto you is that which you have already seen; the peace of the Garden.

[lastgunslinger]

Roland looks at the floor for a moment.

When he looks back up, he says quietly, relief plain on his face, "And if you'd offer, lady-sai, I'd accept with thanks."

[blue_ajah]

You are welcome, Roland -- and to the Dreaming, as well.

[lastgunslinger]

A fleeting, tired smile, and he inclines his head. "I'll leave a note for Alain."

He goes downstairs.

[blue_ajah]

*While he is gone, Moiraine gathers her papers together and carefully places them in her belt pouch, then picks up the journal with a small sigh.*

I must get word to Rand. Soon.

[lastgunslinger]

Roland comes back upstairs and says, "It is done."

[blue_ajah]

*She holds out one hand to him; when he takes it, the other moves to the key at her throat, and the gunslinger and the Aes Sedai vanish once more into the Dreaming.*